this is for the girls and guys thinking about long distance relationships with their boyfriend/girlfriend as they head off to college, university or a new city to explore. its advice coming from someone who took both paths, and is now in a successful long distance relationship.
so me and anderson were only dating 6 months in our senior year of high school before the summer started. before we went any further, i wanted to make sure i would not get my heart broken at the end of the summer when he packed his life away when he moved 6 hours away to university. we agreed on trying long distance because we were just beginning to get to know each other and neither of us wanted to stop.
half way through the summer, he broke my heart when he told me that he heard that long distances don’t always work out, so we shouldn’t try it. i didn’t want to lose him for the summer so we agreed to set a date for the end of the summer to break up. THIS IS NEVER RECOMMENDED FOR A RELATIONSHIP! NEVER, EVER, SET A DATE FOR YOUR BREAKUP! the weeks and days leading up to the date broke me. i cried my heart out knowing that each day would be bring me closer to losing him.
so the fall leaves came, and there he went. off to school and not with my me in tow. not choosing long distance was the stupidest thing we have done to our relationship. we both admit it now.
but i kid you not, this has a happy ending haha! during a semester apart, we realized we did miss each other and we were always on each other’s minds. we both resisted calling, skyping or texting one another. we did get back together before we had to return back to school for second semester, but came back with a stronger relationship than before.
long distance relationships can seem umbearable at times. but trust me, it is so worth it! he has to go back to school in less than 2 weeks, but i am not as afraid, as i was a year ago. a year ago i was so afraid to lose him, and couldn’t see a future with long distance. but now, im confident in us, as a team. long distance made us better. (and the ldr tumblr community helped also!) :)
School is so hectic right now. Both for Trey and I. We barely have time to skype now, but now we’re making time for it. If there’s anything anyone should learn from a LDR, is that both people in the relationship NEED to make time for each other. If not it may take a toll on the relationship that you both have worked so hard on.
I met him in April this year while on a exchange to Spain. We became best friends but he fell for this girl in my year who spoke fluent spanish. I wasn't bothered, he was the hottest guy on the exchange by far but I was too busy loving every single minute in that country with my own exchange and just soaking up everything. When he came over to England, we got on the same. He came round my house for a sleepover with another pair of exchanges and we stayed up until 5am chatting and playing playstation, just me and him.
Then he went back to Spain and the exchange ended. He immediately got in contact with me and invited me back over during summer. I booked a flight and it was just waiting to go back, to see my best friend. The girl he loved was meant to go back but she couldn't at any point so they just slowly fell out of love, I assume, the impracticalities dominated them.
When I got there, he wouldn't stop looking at me. Just staring into my eyes. My other two friends who had come with me commented on it occasionally. If there was something that needed an opinion, he'd look at me for reassurance. I thought it was just because the other two girls were best friends and me and him were best friends so together we'd make a group of four but one night we stayed up til 6am looking at stars and chatting by the pool and he tried to kiss me. I was shocked and I wouldn't let him as I thought he just wanted a summer fling.
A few days later we were sitting by ourselves and he said that he loved me. He said he'd fallen for his best friend but he didn't want to break my life in England. He said I was perfect for him and I understood him so well that it was impossible. So I let him kiss me. The remainder of my trip was spent midnight swimming, him teaching me basketball, of which I still have callouses on my hands from him lifting me up to slamdunk and listening to the crickets and looking at stars in his lemon grove.
6 days later, I left Spain. I cried devastating tears at the airport but he whispered in my ear that he loved me. I love him too. Love crept up on me, the distance and difference in language and culture means nothing. My best friend became my boyfriend and I live for the times I see him.
I just love reading other people’s ldr stories cause it inspires me. So here’s mine. :)
He was my aunt’s friend’s son. My aunt asked me to add him and his brothers up on Facebook last year and I thought that was it - Facebook friends. We never really messaged or liked any posts of each other, though I found myself checking his account maybe twice or thrice before we really got to talk.
I never made any initiatives of talking to him, sending him messages and the like, because I’m not that type and I know that he’s serious with his girlfriend and son. Not that I would like to take any chances with him, its maybe because I’m just not interested.
It was one time when my aunt and I were talking over skype and he was there and he just started talking to me. I was really shy and uncomfortable, maybe because I’m not used to talking to someone in English, though I work as a customer service representative before and got used to conversing in English with a lot of Americans, but the situation is still different.
Anyway, we started talking from then. He would call our Magic Jack phone and we would talk for hours. He does a lot of talking and I would just share some of my thoughts. I was still shy but he started opening up regarding his relationship with his son’s mom. I never thought he would share those things, but he did and it made me more comfortable talking to him. I tried sharing stuffs about friends who I know has the same situation as his, and sometimes giving advices and I know that it somehow started a deeper level to our friendship.
I know that I’m already falling, because I would find myself waiting for his call after work. We would talk for hours about nonsense stuffs even though we both know that we have work in a couple of hours.
After a few weeks, we discussed about being comfortable with each other and he told me he likes me. He asked me if I like him back, I just answered yes. But that’s just it.
Then he decided to come over and visit the Philippines. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, because I know that he comes over at least every year, but then it made me excited because I would get the chance to meet him.
That’s when I started counting down the days till I finally met him. He invited me out on a dinner, with his dad and uncle, and they picked me up at my office. It was a bit awkward at first, and I know he felt uncomfortable and shy as well but then we got the hang of it. We started laughing and joking around and asking stuffs. I remember him saying that he just wanted to joke around because he was very nervous. But that first time I saw him, I know that I have fallen in love and I’m sure of it, I just didn’t want to expect more because I know that he still communicates with his ex.
He was here for a month and before he arrived, we plan on going to Baguio City where I finished college. Days before we went there, we were out with my friends and he asked me if I wanted to be his girl. Of course I said yes, and it was one of the most memorable days of my life - February 18, 2011. It even became memorable when we went to Baguio, where I celebrated my birthday. :)
It was a complicated relationship, I must say, at first because we can’t let everybody know, especially his ex. He was saying that she might do something crazy which would affect his son. I tried to understand and just let it be. Then one day, we were just talking over skype and he changed our facebook status to “in a relationship” and that’s when I knew that he’s starting to get serious. He told me that as soon as he changed his status, his ex replied right away and argued with him.
Now, we’re almost turning 6 months, everything’s great though we both know that it gets harder and harder each day. He’s coming over to visit me this September and he’s staying for a month, I’m so excited :)
And didn’t I mention, we’re already engaged. I just feel lucky and excited to be with the man I really love. I know that he’s the one I’ve been waiting for all my life. I know that he’s the one that I want and need. And I know that he feels the same. <3
8400 plus miles is nothing. Soon we’ll be together. :)
-Learn a language together (I know this one is weird, but we both want to learn arabic. So we went out and bought rosetta stone, and try our hardest to learn at the same pace, etc. We’ll stay on the phone for hours just to get it right; Together<3 )
-Watch even more movies ( If you can’t tell already we love movies, we both have netflix, and we watch some movies together while on skype.Even though I dont feel his touch I can hear him )
- Video chat ( I know this is an obvious one, but mix it up sometimes! For example he loves battleship, and we play it together atleast once a week. Every night we have our nightly talks, where we talk about our day, things going on, things on our minds, etc. )
-Use my tracks! ( it’s an app on the android market, where it tracks what your run. we’re both runners so we try to find somewhere that’s similar for both of us like a park or a trail, and we race! Same amount of miles, and just see who runs the fastest. It’s a little on the competetive side, but it’s fun too!)
-Call rather than text ( for us we felt that we could text anyone we wanted, whenever. But when it came to calling we had made time for each other. Don’t get me wrong we still text, but we talk on the phone as well)
I think I just got writer’s block-I’ll add onto it later :)
about the places we want to go in life, what we want to accomplish. As we were talking he said "our dreams". I know this may seem really really girly, but it hit me in the heart, that he still wants to accomplish my goals, along with his together in life. I was in a movie theater as he told me that, I’ll admit I lost my breath for a couple seconds. He is the one. :)
I know it's for ldr, but I want to know how do you cope with the break up? How do you move on when you tried so hard to keep it together after being together for so long? How do you move on from that?
I’m going to answer this as if it was me in this situation. Let’s say Trey and I broke up ( we didn’t actually break up just a scenario), for me to cope with the break up, I would seek closure. Again this is just me personally, but I can’t imagine ending something so serious, something so meaningful on a bad note. I’m not going to start complaining about the bad things in the relationship we had, instead I would keep the good memories in a safe place.
Moving on? That’s something else. I would start talking to other guys, only when I’m emotionally and mentally ready. It’s very hard to let someone go, someone that you love and care for so deeply. But in the end it’s in your best interest to slowly forget. Now I’m not saying forget them entirely, forget the memories you created with each other, the experiences you each had.. but move on. It’s healthier to move on, then to dwell in the past. I say hang out with friends, get out more, expose yourself to other people. Do not mention him/her in any conversation, it’ll bring you down.
I'm the anon from July 25th. I just wanted to say that I decided not to say anything because I didn't want to ruin anything between him and his current girlfriend. I decided to leave everything in the past and if it was meant to be than we would still talk and we don't. I just read that he is planning on proposing and I'm happy for him. He's about to be 20 and I'm only 19. I wouldn't want to rush things so I'm glad he found someone that isn't afraid of that. I know somewhere out there, there is the person for me that isn't so far away. I decided to become a healthier (and hopefully happier and more confident) person for me. If someone comes along than that's great. If not then that's great too. I still haven't talked to the ex that I met up with and I'm not worried about it. He wasn't it for me and I hope he has a great life. But anyway, thanks for the advice before.
People in LDR's listen, they do work out. As long as you put enough effort into it and trust the person than everything will be fine. :)
When it comes to long distance relationships, you always have pros and cons, supporters and critics. It’s like that with just about anything that can have an opinion derived from it - gay marriage, government spending, etc, but just because certain people choose to believe opposite of you, doesn’t mean you have to stop believing yourself.
“everytime i hear someone say those words “it wont last”, they make me irritated. through the days i worry, the i days tremble, but no matter how much you think you could persaude me, i cannot deny that, that certain love exists, no matter how many miles we are apart, in does not cross within my heart”—(via longdistanceex2)
I’ve been so busy lately, and now I’m back. Trey ( my bf :) flew out with me this past week to Southern Florida & he flew out today /: ( as did I ) . We were inseparable, and this time I took him around town :D . I honestly think that we’ve grown to become stronger as a couple. College won’t be an issue either, we talked about it and agreed that nothing will/should get between us. Due to the amount of time we have been together it should be easy to get through another 4 years, and to finally live together. We’ve also decided that this Christmas will be spent with our families, separately.
That’s another thing I wanted to mention, REGARDLESS of what OTHER people say if both of you believe in your relationship together and are DETERMINED to end up together, it should happen. I know it may seem hard with the distance and influences we live around, but no one can stop you. Only you can stop yourself.