I've been in a LDR for 6 months now and my gf shipped off to basics in January. She was allowed to make phone calls the other day so she called her parents and then me. Somehow it felt like she was only complaining about how hard it is for HER to not be able to communicate with me and how though her days are when I told her that I had surgery and that I have a severe shinbone injury+torn ligaments she barely reacted. I wanna support her in everything but it isn't easy for me either right now.
I understand what you’re going through, but you also have to see where’s she’s coming from. She’s away from family, friends, and you. It’s a toll on her too, and maybe she’s just taking everything in. Be patient.
Hey! I'm in this ldr with this amazing guy. We've been together for 6 months now. Sometimes he gets silent but that's list of my issue. My issue is that he wants us to have sex when he comes to visit in the summer and I'm not sure about it. I'm a virgin and I don't think I'm ready. Btw he's 23. I'm 18. He loves me, I want him to be my first. But, I believe sex is not just a game, some of us don't know the true meaning.I just feel unsure. I don't want him to leave me soon after we do it. xx
Here’s something you need to realize, your choices and values come before any relationship. If there is EVER any guy ( or significant other) who does not respect your decision then you need to leave them. That’s only a sign of what is to come.
I’m very big on being respected, especially when it comes to something like that.
So I'm new with this long distance relationship and I really need help. Me and my boyfriend usually talk everyday for about two to three hours but these past few weeks he seldom goes online and I'm getting disappointed about it but I'm trying to be a girlfriend who's pretty understanding. It just hurts because I feel like he doesn't care for me that much to inform me about his whereabouts. :(
You have to realize and acknowledge that he has a life outside of your relationship, and he may not be accustomed to telling someone where he is at every minute of the day. It takes time to get accustomed to doing that, so be patient with him. I’m sure he’s not doing it purposely to you.
So I've been in a LDR for 6 months. Me and my boyfriend skype and call each other all the time. The problem is that my parents will kill me if they find out I talk to people online because they're paranoid I'm going to get kidnapped or something. (1)
I think that although you may think that your parents will kill you it all depends on how you present it to them. It’s like any speech, or presentation. Sugar coat it, use the word hypothetical, and tell them as if it was a friend of yours. See how they react, like that you know how to go about telling them.
so I'm fairly new to LDR thing .. I'm having a hard time coming with the loneliness. I'm in the army stationed in GA about to PCS to CO and he's a part time firefighter and EMT while being in paramedic school back in CA. We hardly talk but a few times a day and when he says he'll call he never does.. I've tried discussing it but he just says he's sorry and that he's really busy and I understand I'm trying to be as supportive as possible I'm just kinda lost as where I take it from here
You both have to set boundaries, both that you will respect for each other. For example Trey and I will text each other throughout the day, and if we have plans at night ( to study, go out with friends, or just relax) we communicate with one another.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when he says he’ll call in 30 mins and doesn’t call at all. I understand he may get caught up in something, and I respect, and also acknowledge that he has a life aside from me. All I ask in return that he gives me a notice, or heads up if you will, that he won’t be able to call. We didn’t get it right the first couple of years, and he tends to be forgetful even now 7 years going on 8.
“I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologise because I miss you, or because I said it, or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don’t want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest. If I love you at 5AM, I’d damn well rather that you know I felt it. If I love you two hours later, I’ll tell you then too. Listen, I won’t wait double the time it takes for you to text me back because I don’t want to. I don’t care enough to be patient with you. I’m happy, you made me feel that way, don’t you want to know? So that’s how it’s going to be. I’m going to leave myself as open as a church door. And I’m going to wake you up before the crack of dawn to tell you that I’m fucking joyful, no pretending, not from me, not ever. Would you like some coffee, would you please kiss me? Here, these are my hands, this is my mouth, it is all yours.”—Azra T.
Ok, so I've been in a ldr for about 5 years now, and I've known this guy since I was born. We reconnected when he found me in Facebook and it's been great since then. Well I havnt seen him since I was 4 years old other then video chatting him everyday. He is finally coming to visit alone and I'm a little nervous for some reason. I feel like if we are alone for too long he might want to have sex, and I don't know if I am ready for that, because how personal it could be. I don't know what to do.
Communication is key.
The reason I say this is because you need to communicate these feelings to him, you need to tell him that you’re not ready.
Hi, I have been in a ldr for about a month now and I really like him, but I feel like I'm crying every night! Not because the relationship is bad because it's more than amazing but because I find myself getting tired of missing him and I just want to be with him so bad and I don't know how to just not think about these things
I tend to avoid those type of thoughts by thinking about our next time together, or about our previous times together. You control what you think, so think only positive thoughts! ☺️
Hi! Luv ze blog! I don't know what to do with this: I have known this guy for 2 years, and we met over the summer (he comes to the east coast over the summer) and I have always felt a connection from day one. Now it is only about a month ago, that he confessed his attraction for me (after a reconnection after little contact for 5 months). He didn't know the feelings were mutual. We talk everyday and skype. I need to know, what to do with this. Can LDRs really work? He lives 2000 miles away.
LDR’s can work if both of you put the effort into it. It can’t be a one sided relationship ( honestly I don’t think any relationship would work if it was one sided).
For starters I wanted to thank each and every one of my followers who have either recently joined my blog, or have been here from the beginning. I love each and every one of you and hope that in some way, shape, or form this blog has helped you with your relationship.
For those who are new followers I thought I would give you a little background information on my own LDR.
When I was 14 I accompanied my father on a his business trip to NYC, and being the free spirited child that I have always been, I explored NYC on my own while my father was stuck in his office during the day. I admit I’m from a bustling city in the south, but we mostly depend on cars to go from point a to point b, so the city was a new experience for me. On my third day in the city I gave up on trying to find some store ( I forget the name) and went into a coffee shop to buy a latte. While in line I was looking at a map on my phone trying to get a sense of direction when a guy tapped me on my shoulder and asked me ” Are you lost?” with his sly smile. I blushed, believe me I know I did, and admitted to him that I was in fact lost. He said that the coffee was on him, and that he would take me wherever I wanted to go, and he has done that very thing for 7 years. We’re same age, and we didn’t really start our LDR until we had talked for about a year and a half.
I admit it wasn’t easy, but anything that is worth it isn’t. We’ve made it through ups and downs, and are still stronger than ever.
Hi! I've been dating my guy for 3+ years now, recently he has been extra busy at school and doesn't have as much time for me. I try my best to not bug him but I feel more alone now. What do you do to get your mind off things when all you want in the world is a hug from him? Thanks, Evelyn
I know exactly how you feel. I tend to find new things to do when he’s busy. I don’t like to pester him, so I tend to not contact him the entire time I know he’s busy or is stressing for an exam. For example, recently he was studying day and night for his LSAT and I didn’t want to bother him so I started running outdoors again with my dogs. I’ve beat my own PR and have never felt better.
Hi :) Well... I need some advice and I'd be really happy if you could help me... I've been talking with this girl for like 4 months and I really, really like her and she says that she really likes me too, we skyped for the first time on february 14th and it was amazing, I had a good time and I think she did too, and I would like to ask her if she wants to be my girlfriend, but I don't know how, and I don't know if it's okay to ask her, I'm kind of confused.
Ok so I'm confused I been with my bf off and on for 8 years about 4 years into the relationship I migrated to canada and I haven't seen him since then and he still insists on us being together but then lately he's starting to ignore me idk what to think he says he's having family problems and it's not usual for him to read and ignore my messages I think he's seeing someone else where he lives idk
I think you should ask him directly, and find out the truth.
Hi! I need your opinion on this! I met this guy through my ex boyfriend, they used to be bestfriends and then stopped for reasons unknown. We kept talking and being friends! Then we became best friends! He lived in Miami and I live in Washington, so anyways we kept talking alot until we got to the point were we are not currently "dating". The thing is; he was my ex boyfriend's bestfriend. He is in college so there are alot of parties and alot of girls are after him. $& im still in schoolAdvice?
I’m assuming you’re asking about advice on trusting him, if not I’m a bit confused myself.
As for trusting him, you have to do that all on blind faith. You have to blindly trust him not to do any of the things that haunt you late at night, because in the end if he loves you he won’t.
When you’re in a long distance relationship you have to realize that the relationship is built on a foundation of trust, love, communication, and honesty. Without the essential four pillars who know how long any relationship would last, long distance or not. ( a full post will be coming shortly tonight in regards to my advice for LDR’s, and the questions I get asked the most)
hey so i need someone's opinion, and since this account is for long distance relationships, it's perfect. okay so my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost two months, but it feels like he has been really distant lately. i blame it for him being sick, but it has still been a while since we have had a real conversation. i have been talking to my old crush, and i think i might be falling for him again. he kinda asked me out already but i'm not sure what to do. help? thanks.
I think that you should reconsider your relationship with your current boyfriend, and the only reason why I say that is because you ( with your own free will) decided to contact your ex-boyfriend. I understand he’s been distant but that’s one of the many downsides to LDR’s, you have to have patience. Granted you two have dated two months, but if you’re already looking back to your ex then maybe an LDR isn’t for you.
I believe that when you’re in a long distance relationship your trusting your partner and your partner is putting their trust in you to love them, to be faithful, and to be there for them.
“I love you, but I’m mad at you is one of the most freeing, important things you can say in a stable relationship. Does that make sense? To know that you have the ability and the right to be mad at someone and know that it doesn’t mean things are over, that it doesn’t mean things are irreparable. That it just means I’m mad, but God, I love you. I love you. Now leave me alone.”—Follow
First of all, your blog is amazing and your advice is wonderful :) I am in a long distance relationship with a boy 400 miles away and we have been discussing me flying to see him for a while now.. The problem is my parents don't know about him and we are not very close.. I will be 18 soon so they can't really stop me going, but I was just wondering if you have any advice on how to tell them about him and our plans for me to visit? Thank you x
Thank you so much, I’m glad you find the blog to be a good source for advice!
As for you parents, although you’re turning 18 you should still ask them. When you ask them it won’t make them as mad as if you were to tell them that regardless of what they say, you’re going to visit him. But before you even ask them talk to them about your relationship. I find it best when you say that you’re having a hypothetical conversation about a hypothetical boyfriend. If they seem welcoming to the idea then I say invite them to video chat with him so that they see what kind of guy he is and why it is you want to visit him. They’ll feel a bit better once they know you’re not going to see a total stranger.
“This year, mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again.”—
“She wished she had a little yellow house of her own, with a flower box full of real flowers and herbs, pansies and rosemary – and a sweet lover who would swing dance with her in the evenings and cook pasta and read poetry aloud…”—
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 4 months and have been long distance for 3 months. It has been really good until recently when he it just seems like he has been pulling away. I don't know what to do and it seems to be getting worse. He told me he doesn't "feel right" but he won't tell me what is wrong. I've called him and he hasn't picked up and he has stopped texting me. Any advice?
I know this may not be the best thing, but maybe he needs space. Maybe he needs to go through his thoughts, and find himself. Give him some time, and space. He more than likely will come back, just be patient love!
We have been dating long distance for a year besides about 3 months for the summer. I love him to death but we recently got into a fight and broke up bc he is too controlling. We made up and discussed a mature relationship guidelines. But after that lately he annoys me so much and I don't know why. I do love him. I just don't enjoy talking to him much anymore. He's too emotional and mopey all the time.
Have you communicated how he makes you fell lately with him? I have said this time and time again communication is key!
Hi, I met my ldr girlfriend about 2 months ago. When we first met we talked heaps on Facebook and for hours on end. But now it seems that when we do have conversation it's very quite dull and uninteresting. Also I'm usually the one that Initiates the conversation, when we are talking she rarely asks questions and I'm just sitting there thinking of things to say to keep conversation flowing. We have both stated that we both love each other a lot. What can I do to make conversation more lively
Have you heard the saying ” It takes two to tango!”, well it applies to various aspects of our lives. For example, this one you both need to interact, to actively listen in order to have a lively conversation. Tell her to put her part, because like I’ve said endlessly Communication is KEY.
Hey! Thanks for replying my message! I’m the Filipino girl who lives in Canada lol. I hope being open to him won’t become an issue or fight. He’s been changing though since the last time I caught him cheating. He sends me pictures through Facebook of what he does everyday, and we constantly Skype. I just don’t know if it’s enough. Thanks so much! God bless!
Do you think he is sending these pictures out of guilt? Anyways, good luck love!
We met in Hawai’i on a camping trip. It was not love at first sight; he was everything I was not, and not usually the type I would go for. We were complete opposites, and came from two entirely different places and families. Over the three weeks we spent together along with 8 other individuals, we became friends after five days of awkward conversations. However, during those three weeks together, we became amazing friends, always joking around…constantly laughing and smiling together. We experienced the amazing wonders of Hawai’i, which only made our time together more memorable. During our last week, he acted more affectionately, but nothing beyond flirting. Each night, when we camped out on the beach, we would stay up late, without a care for the time, and talk under the stars. We talked about everything and anything. He shared with me so much about his life and himself, stuff he had never told anyone else. While he shared personal things about himself, I tried to share secrets about myself, but I wasn’t ready yet. Throughout our time together, he helped me to realize that I need to live for myself and forget the expectations that other people have for me. He helped me find myself, something people never find in their entire lives. He opened my eyes to what was most important in life and helped me to realize I need not to worry about petty things, because you only live once. On our very last night in Hawai’i before we would depart back home, we stayed away all night on the beach in a sleeping bag. He held me all night, and it was the happiest I had ever been in so so long. I forgot all about my severe anxiety that I deal with on a daily basis and everything else that stressed me out. Finally, he kissed me and it was amazing. I have never felt so much in one kiss. Something I will never forget. Unfortunately, we live on complete opposite sides of the U.S., hundreds of miles apart from each other. We have talked every day, and I’m falling for him so intensely. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, I’ve never loved anyone, but he is changing that for me. It’s been four months since I’ve been able to see him, and it’s so incredibly hard. I cry myself to sleep sometimes and he’s the only thing I think about all day. All I want to do is be with him, but it won’t be for several more months that I will get to be in his arms. I don’t know how to deal with all of this, and I know I’m so young, but I really am in love with him. He has taught me so much about life and happiness, and beyond the physical attraction there is something so much greater, and that’s how I know I love him. So, all I can do is wait, and maybe one day we will really be together.
Would love to hear your thoughts, please let me know!
Rachel, I think that although your feelings for him are strong you need to learn how to not depend on him so much for your happiness. Don’t get me wrong, fall for him, learn what it feels like to be in love, but understand that with a LDR there are struggles, and those struggles aren’t easily overcome. You need to realize that what you feel, people have felt for years. If you’re ready to feel this over and over again, then all I can recommend with helping you cope with these emotions is to keep yourself preoccupied, join clubs, start something you’ve wanted to do, get out there. You’ll make time for him when you both are free, but you need to live your life for yourself.